The scan and official news

This afternoon Pip and I have seen baby D #2 on the screen.  Still a teary moment.  A little heart beat fluttering away and even a few obliging gulps or hiccups as well!

Shocker for the NHS we actually went in early for our scan and were back out again in about 10 mins.  I am sure it took longer first time round.  All appears well at this stage, all limbs and important bits are present, bubs was wiggling around but more twitching is legs than waving, as James was for he first scan.

It is the most incredible thing to watch something no longer than my thumb looking like an actual person.  The female body is truly an incredible thing.

We will spend the next day or so ensuring family are informed then start to spread the news to the wider circle.

For now our scan pictures:

Tomato Soup

Heinz tinned tomato soup has made a come back into my life.  Which, as I generally can't bear the thought of it, means I am definitely pregnant.

Towards the end of my last pregnancy I ate it almost every day for lunch, it was as close as I came to a craving.  Pip did try me on it post baby but it was an epic fail, so strange though it is, my pregnant self seems to require tinned tomato soup.

Baby 2 #2 is now about the size of a small mince pie and so far I have had less queasiness than last time, which is fabulous.  Other than having finger nails that have gone to ruin and having been seriously tired, I wouldn't really know that I am pregnant at the moment!

Little and large mince pies

Today we've been to see the midwife to register and go through current medical history and James birth, we already knew that we'd have to head to labour ward rather than a birth centre with the next baby but other than that all seems well blood test and other samples were taken and our scan appointment should come through soon.

I have also had my assessment from the Steps to Wellbeing team and while the practitioner acknowledged that it sounded like I had been fairly unwell with PND it seems now I score low enough on their scale not to require any treatment at the moment.  Hurrah! 
I found it very reassuring to know that I hadn't been myself as it gives me hope and reassurance that things will be different once bubs #2 is here.  And if I feel myself going down that path I am more aware of what isn't "just because I am a new mum" and can seek the right help and a sensible time.

In other news...

Christmas has been and gone and we are firmly into 2015.  We had a lovely time as Pip and I both had the whole 2 weeks off.  James decided to take his first steps on Christmas day.  Exceptional timing as it was in front of both Grannies (and Auntie Ali).  Since then his confidence has grown daily and while he still looks a little drunken he can now manage "walks" round the house almost unaided.

Auntie Ali and James after meeting Father Christmas

We took trips out and chilled out at home, Pip was a superstar and allowed me a lie-in most days to fend off the preggo tiredness, just as James adopted the new habit of stirring at half 5 and sleep-whining until we'd cave and give him some warm milk which 80% of the time saw him back off to sleep for a while. 

I have made a pact with myself to try a few more home bakes and makes this year.  I really enjoyed the spot of sewing I did for our advent calendar and has sights set on a dress to wear to Rob's wedding in September, loose fitting and lump and bump covering being the key parts of that design!

Our new advent calendar

I shall try and tie in the baking with baby sizes just to keep it entertaining for me as I work out what on earth to do with ?fruit/vegetable? there will probably be a few knits in there as well, who knows I might finish the blanket I started for James!

Orange and Cranberry Cake

A diagnosis

Yesterday Pip and I went to the Dr for 2 reasons; one to tell her about baby number 2 and the second to tell her that I think I have been dealing with post-natal depression.

After much discussion with the Dr. about how I have felt, more towards James' first few months than more recently, the Dr was in agreement that our assumption is indeed correct.  She was very supportive and kind which helped me to open up about all that has been going on since James arrival. 
Admitting some of the things I had rattling around my head about James and sometimes Pip sounded so very different when uttered out loud to how they were in my head.

On this occasion, best out in the open, where someone understands and can recommend different types of support to help myself and my family.

It's very hard to write this as I don't really know what to type and yet I feel its important to document whats been happening as it has had an effect on me and I worry about how it could effect James and little munchkin (Pips nickname for bubs) in the future.

I've now read a small amount of information on PND and it seems not feeling yourself is quite a common symptom, which is reassuring because for quite some time that's the only way I could have described it, if I had felt I could discuss with someone.  Low and "cup half empty" are probably 2 others.  The trouble is in the midst of it part of me was thinking; you're lacking sleep, other people have cry-y babies too, it'll pass...

It didn't, instead I got a little bit more anxious about anything as time crept by, i questioned my abilities as a mother - how could something I'd wanted to be for years be so opposite to how I imagined?, I took little pleasure in spending time with James and worried about what people thought of the mother who couldn't stop her baby crying - in my mind - all the time.

Very illogical, very un-Jill when in a more normal frame of mind but there it is.

By the time J was 6 months the worst had worn off but I still have a day or two of feeling low and emotional, with a bleak outlook but they pass.  However now I am pregnant with another and while this baby will be a summer baby and therefore weeks of endless rain, that made James and I housebound, are minimal I do not wish to repeat the experience and certainly don't wish James to get caught up in the moodiness and upset that could happen.  My son's earliest memories should involve laughter and fun and happy times, not an irritable shouty mother who never seemed happy or content.

So there we are, I am documented on the healthcare system and no doubt will have a slightly beadier eye from both the hubs and the healthcare staff as this pregnancy and first few weeks of the new baby roll by.

How you know your husband is a superhero...

These last few days we have been struck down (possibly a touch too dramatic a description) by a grim d and v bug.

James seems to have bought it in on Wednesday with the most epic vomming I have ever seen.  I slightly surreal moment that has you kinda watching it in amazment while your brain is saying "ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww".
Pip stepped in to sort it all out as I was mid-baking for a Coffee Morning on Friday.
 
 Moments later James was happy as larry rolling around after a ball and seemed right as rain for the next few days, apart from learning how to vom and doing so for the next 3 days until Pip foiled him on Saturday...

Pip woke up Friday feeling "not quite right" and was home an hour and a half later and spent most of the day in bed, into town J and I headed to finish off the Christmas shopping and home we came with a "get well soon" minion balloon (I always find flowers for men a bit odd). I was feeling a touch smug for feeling a-ok and got ready for the work Christmas do (I may have singed my ear twice and my forehead once while using the heated tongs) and had a jolly good, sober, night!

And then, sure enough, muggins came down with it Saturday.

Out the window went our plans to head to the Tree Festival at church and a trip to Poole to deliver gifts to Uncle Jon and Aunty Lisa.

Note early pregnancy and said bug are not a good blend.  I was doing ok until I smelt Pips fried egg sandwich (he was feeling better Saturday) and then that was me off to bed too.

Lovely stuff.

Step in superhero husband (fanfare please).  Despite feeling better, see above reference, Pip was still pretty beat but took on James-care (note last attempt at vomming was today) while I felt sorry for myself upstairs. All meals, nappies and full on entertainment were overseen by daddy.

After little sleep for me on Saturday night Sunday comes around and down the pan go the plans to attend the nativity with James.

Superdad steps in while I literally didn't get out of bed.  As he felt James probably needed some fresh air he wandered off to Shirley for supplies and left me writing Christmas cards and watching a Christmas movie.
On his return I was presented with a dozen red roses and a smiley baby who decided to share my bowl of dry cornflakes.

The rest of Sunday passed in slightly better form and today I have had a quiet day at home.  Tomorrow we move into the final 3 days (of chaos) at work before I thankfully have 2 weeks off over Christmas where I plan to fight off the lurgies (cold, migraine, ridiculous tooth ache...) that have caught us all the last few weeks and face 2015 fully fit and raring to go!

Off we go again!

6th Dec 2014

This weekend we have found out we are expecting Doherty baby number 2. 

While it’s a bit of a shock and very much sooner than expected, the man above clearly had other plans for us, I am starting this week happy and excited about the next few months and years to come.  If not in absolute denial of sleepless nights and juggling 2 under 2!

Another one of these!

 At the moment we shall concentrate on Christmas with James and all the excitement and ripped paper that it brings as well as some quality time with family, especially as Ali returns to the UK in 11 days.  Not that I’ve been counting down since the summer...

It is strange to think that something that is about the size of one of James’ fingernails at the moment can already have had such an effect on mine and Pip’s outlook.

Already we have briefly discussed cots and car seats and childcare – the practical things that pop up now we have had a baby.  Last time it was names and room decoration and other more romantic thoughts!

Pip said this weekend that he was looking forward to seeing James as a big brother, it was a very touching thought but not something I’ve gotten my head around yet.

Pregnant – yes, a new baby – yes, getting maternity clothes and newborn things out the attic when we put the xmas decs back up in Jan - yes.  Anything further than that is beyond me at the moment, I’m pretty sure planning for Christmas is the main distraction…

Christmas last year

 I plan to revive The Babycake Tales for this pregnancy but I cannot promise as many home bakes and I’m pretty sure I’ll run out of size comparisons very quickly.  I may simply refer to food generally, possibly baby rice cakes (revolting) or jelly molds (yum!) – 2 current favourites  of James.

So here we go, pregnancy number 2.  Here’s to a fun journey!

Dear James.... (part 2)

You are now 1, you have started the second year of your life!  I hope for you that it is as fun and full of learning and changes as your first year was.

I thought I would take the opportunity to record some James details and perhaps share some pics from your little birthday party.

You weigh in at just over 9lb or 1 stone 4.  As your Aunty Ali says - quite the arm work out.  As you enjoy to fly through the air either in a  swing or pretend plane or pretend drop by us it really is quite the arm toning session!

Cuddles with Fat Bert

You stand at 72cm tall.  We measured you last night and marked it on a door, a new tradition that your dad and I will do every year around your birthday and subsequent siblings too.  We shall have quite the collection in 20 years time!

You have an amazing 11 teeth, the last 3 all molars have come through in the last 3 weeks. Ouch!  You enjoy brushing your teeth but we have to distract you with another toothbrush so we can actually do the job properly.

You crawl very well now and can get up quite some speed when it suits you.  Your standing and walking get better day by day. You enjoy heading up and down the hallway with your walker and have a great smile on your face as you manoeuvre up and down, though woe betide anything or one that gets in your way as you just ram it or them until it moves or we move you.

You love the bath, in fact you love the bathroom.  To the point that you cry if we remove you.  Soon you will learn that parents need some private time in the bathroom and it is not a spectator sport....!

You understand the words push, arms (when getting dressed), cuddles and up. Cat is probably a favourite word and they have learned - very quickly - how speedy you can be now you are crawling.  Sadly neither have realised there is an escape route open to them, the back door, and for a couple of evenings recently you and Toby have been back and forth up the hall and into the lounge while he thinks he can hide behind the hall curtain and on the lounge windowsill while you follow and see him immediately.  Poor Toby!

We have all enjoyed celebrating your birthday this weekend and you have been blessed with some thoughtful and generous gifts.  You have played with them all and seem to find them all equally interesting, though the bath ones are probably high up on your list.
Your dad and I were overjoyed at all the noisy ones you received and are sad to say that we may not have batteries in the house for the next few, well, years...!

We headed out to The New Forest Wildlife Park on Friday and took a slightly chilly stroll round all the animals, you enjoy watching and chatting to the otters and we managed to stroll round the deer park without one stealing anything from my handbag this time!  Our afternoon and evening were pretty chilled out but we did sing Happy Birthday to you while you wondered why we were making such a fuss!

A homemade James sized cake

Unsure about the candle!

But happy to eat the cake

At the last moment, while doing paper plates and napkin research I decided we'd go for The Hungry Caterpillar theme for your party on Saturday and set too purchasing appropriate plates, cups, napkins...  Having done a little research on Pinterest I decided to theme the food towards the food from the book too.  The end of last week saw me whipping up various batches of cakes and doing a slightly peculiar shop in Sainsburys!  But it was definitely worth it, I was very proud of what I achieved and our guests were very complimentary.  I think that maybe you were impassive to the most but the balloons you did enjoy batting about for most of the weekend.

The table

Our family!

Happy Birthday my love and here's to another wonderful year,

Mumma xx

Dear James... (part 1)

Dear James,

You in your first few moments

How strange it is to be writing a letter to you.  One short year ago we had no idea whether you were going to be a James or a (insert girls name, ours remains under wraps in case you have a little sister one day) and now a year later it is as though you have always been here. 

We are now a beautiful family of 3.

Your dad and my life has changed in so many ways; we now get excited if we're asleep when the clock has a 7 at the beginning to name but one! 

During your first year...

We have moved to a new house, many of your nap times I spent packing up books and kitchenware and then unpacking because I needed something I had already packed...  As we were moving it made me sad that you will have no memory of our old house, your dad and I have many fond memories there, it is where your dad proposed to me and the house we brought you home too when you were 2 days old but I am sure one day we will drive past and share the stories with you.

Your dad has changed job and now has a very poncy job title, Deputy Head of Commercial Development, and I have had a promotion too.  I have gone back to work and you have settled well into the new routine that involves nursery and childcare from your Granny C, you also get to spend a day with your dad which I think is great for both of you.  I think you have fared best with this new arrangement, lots of attention all for you while I have felt torn with work, keeping house and looking after you and your dad.  It is more because I like things to be just so and it has been a big change but we are all getting there! I definitely value my time with you 100% more now that it is more limited.

We have taken you on 2 holidays! The first was to the Isle of Wight where you experienced sand and the sea for the first time, you were fascinated by the sand and non-plussed by the sea.  Your dad and I took you to lots of different places.

The sea

The sand

And the wallaby

The second was down to Granny C's "van" in Highcliffe.  We had a great week, we took you to Monkey World where you loved watching all the different species moving around and we took you "swimming" most days.  We fed the swans and I indulged in some knitting and cake eating while your dad managed to read the paper!

We shall go to the latter a lot more over the next few years and I hope to provide you with occasion to make many happy memories.








Thank you dear boy of ours for enriching our lives, we love you so very much and look forward for every year to come as we watch you grow and learn

Mumma xx