An impromptu recipe and a rough night

Thursday evenings, a fairly standard evening you might think and it was for us too.  James and I had received a short notice invite to dinner at my mums, so I purchased a pud to take a long.  My mums lasagne, to us kids, is a family staple meal, the sort of meal that if it's offered, you head back home for.  Thankfully James feel's the same about Granny C's lasagne (and also Waitrose bread & butter pudding with custard).

We headed home, J went down to sleep, I caught up on the ironing, the usually thrilling activities.  Pip came home, we chatted and headed to bed.

Sometime later I woke, to the sound of J coughing and then could hear that he wasn't really settling afterwards.  You know the sort of sleep you get when you wake refreshed then realise you've had about an hour?  I had had that sort of sleep.
I went in to check on J and discovered him, bleary eyed and smelly, one end and a nasty surprise (above mentioned lasagne and pud) the other.
Baby change, sheet, jammies, sleep bag and ducky in the bath, scrabble around for spare sheet, fetch semi-sleeping baby from parents bed (having cleaned him up with babywipes - Pip told me this weekend he still reeked as he lovingly nuzzled into Pip for cuddles), silently congratulate oneself on dealing with night-time illness unaided by hubs, head back to bed.
Half an hour later, come-to, hear more coughing and unsettled baby.  Fear the worst.  Go to check on J and fears are confirmed, repeat the above (why do small children lie in said nasty surprise rather than move?) minus the parents bed part, from there on replace with call Pip to fetch Rufus (toy) from downstairs as J more awake this time and rather bemused as to why mumum is stripping him off and trying to pop him in a sleep suit while trying to remember where the spare spare sheet/blanket combo is. Whisper in agreement with hubs when he suggests loading the washing machine - at 1am - (even at that hour the thought of vommy sheets, jammies etc. the following morning was Not appealing).
And as all good things come in 3's, now super sensitive-to-baby-not-sleeping mum hears child stir again a short while later and makes it into the room to rescue baby, blankets and toys from vom.  Silently congratulates oneself on minor achievement whilst thinking we actually have no spare sheets left for the cot.  Hubs duly folds a single bed sheet to lay in the cot.  A quick wet wipe later and a cuddle with a truly smelly baby and head to bed at 1.45am.

Despite the video above Friday James was as wiped out as we were so while Pip had to head into work this preggo spent a morning nap researching house insurance quotes and savings account over a cup of (very strong) tea.  Lunch was at the Uni with Pip and during a brief stroll round Shirley I decided that Friday afternoon could only be made better by a cake, a marble cake (not sure why) so we nipped in to purchase some ingredients and headed home.  J for another nap and me to bake. A Mary Berry Chocolate Marble cake no less, recipe here.

I took liberties and added in some chopped walnuts to the vanilla half of the cake, which has added some good texture and I would suggest upping the vanilla favouring generally to the cake as it uses less that I would add to a standard cupcake recipe.
Also, check how large your loaf pan is, turns our mine isn't a 2lb tin...

Cake did indeed make Friday better and while I am now on high alert for every cough during the night (super-sensitive-to-baby-sleeping has bitten me the rest of the weekend and I am pooped!) we have had no further incident and have caught up and dried all the washing and even managed to finish hanging the wallpaper in the lounge!

Halfway through!

So far this week we have had our mid-way anomoly scan and quite the hissy fit from our first born. 

It seems that teeth are not the only thing to rock up early with J we get the "terrible two's" as well, hurrah!

But to more exciting things, the scan was great, all is well, everything is where it should be and measuring in at the right place.  It still amazes me that someone can see so much on what to Pip and I looks like a mass of grey.

The scan pics are not so brilliant as bubs was laying round the wrong way - helpful - so I shall pass on popping them on this blog; in one you can vaguely make out a nose and in the other a slightly horror movie style skull.  Instead they shall be tucked away for prosperity (and a reminder of what you get for £10...)

Finally, I am starting to look pregnant, while I shouldn't knock the lack of a bump thus far, comments of "you don't look" pregnant with pointed looks at my tum are starting to wear a little thin.  Of course, I hope, said with the best of intentions but in equal measure part of me wishes to respond "no really, I hadn't noticed" or "I'm not in the habit of lying about being pregnant..." I blame pregnancy hormones but I'd hazard a guess that some might disagree...!

Helping in the garden!

The last couple of weeks have been fairly average in activity in the Doherty household. We have finally managed to tackle some decorating, since moving in almost a year ago.  Pip thinks I am nesting.  I say if we haven't started decorating with one kiddo then with 2 it's going to be nigh on impossible!

I've also been out in the garden tidying things up.  I prepared well on one occasion and togged up James, took out some toys etc. and still, before I had even picked up the gardening gloves, he'd gone down onto the tarmac and cut his nose and face.  High drama and cuddles later, we ventured back outside and boom! within 5 minutes he was on his back with a bump to his head.  10 minutes after that he tripped up a small step.  At this point I could do nothing but chuckle and he gave up crying as he tripped up the same small step another 3 times...

It was Mother's Day here in the UK this last weekend and I was treated to a lovely waffle breakfast with bacon and fruit. I received a waffle maker (I have been after one for months) and also a voucher for a trip to a gelato house of my choice.  Anyone sensing a theme here?

Along with some daffodils given out at church and a tea round at (my) mums that afternoon I had a lovely day.  Although this is my second Mothering Sunday I still can't quite get into my head that that means me now, I only think of it for my mum!

The best of a bad bunch from Mothers Day, my boy does not like to smile for the camera!

Talking of mums, mine has had another birthday this month.  I've passed on birthday posts this year but if I had written one it would generally have said Thank You in large brightly coloured letters.  Mum has been fantastic this last year and a great support looking after James while I returned to work.  

Pip's mum has had her second knee replaced and seems to be making quite the swift recovery.  I sense that the arrival of grandchild #2 may be nudging that along a bit as I am sure she has given herself the target of driving down in August.

We have received our first gifts for baby #2.  A great set of clothes from (Aunty) Ali and a lovely mixed bag from mum, which included a couple of knitting books - animals and nursery rhyme characters - a My First Charlie Bear and a book to record the first year milestones.  

Gifts for the new arrival (and me)

Ginger biscuits and a movie premier!

So as we move into week 17 bubs #2 is about 5 inches long from bot to head and definitely having a wriggle around now.

I'm did try to bake something of vague size comparison, ginger buttercream biscuits - partly for Granny C for looking after J at hers this week, due to a slight vom situation Pip and I found ourselves dealing with too early Tuesday morning - however, they were so darn delicious that I didn't really get a chance for a photo...
Here's the recipe for anyone that wishes to give it a whirl, note if you work with me, please bring them into the office :)  Despite not being a fan of ginger, mum is hence making them with her in mind, I would still up the teaspoons of ground ginger to give them a bit of a kick.

My 16 week midwife appointment went well, despite leaving a nasty scratch on another car in the car park.  I did leave a grovelling note of apology on the wind screen but haven't heard anything back, thus adding to the guilt I feel.  Our car is bright red, their Volvo was a very black, black.  And now has a small red go faster stripe down its drivers door...
Anyway, all seems well with me and baby, heart rate, blood pressure (despite the car prang!) and wee check all in order and I don't go back until I'm 28 weeks.  I said to the midwife sounded ages away, especially when you think that its 12 weeks before baby is due, oh my!
She said that if I feel I want to have a chat with someone I can always book in a further appointment but for "low risk" pregnancies 2nd time round they are happy not to see you!

Now we're just waiting for the 2nd scan to come around and it feels that so many more people are keen to know if we are going to find out the flavour of this baby.  I'm not sure, is the short answer.  Does it matter to us either way?  Not in the slightest.  Do I have an inkling for a girl so we're equal?  Not especially, though I do Love our chosen girls name!  Would it be nice to know so we know whether to go shopping or not?  Maybe, but thats only because I'm me and prefer everything in order.  Something I have learnt rapidly simply has to go out the window a lot with a small person around, let alone 2.

Pancake anyone?

In other news James has particpated in his first proper Shrove Tuesday, by participate I really mean, had a pancake with Nutella in it and ended up with more on him then in him but I think its border line right of passage to have a "messy face" photo when you're little...

Not quite pancake day but spot the choccie spread...

Discovering the fun of a den this week

 Ali and I went on a bit of a jolly this week and were lucky enough to have a preview of The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel through Pips work.  A local charity was launching a new scheme that involves encouraging older people back into a local community via the medium of cinema, I hadn't realised quite what the evening was for and while the speeches went on for a while longer than we had thought, Student Union cinema seats are not os comfy as they could be, it was really interesting to hear about the work the charity does: http://www.damaris.org.uk/ 

It was a great premier evening and Ali and I had a great time, I'd absolutely recommend the film to those who enjoyed the first one, Maggie Smith is tremendous and educates americans in the finer art of making a cup of tea.

Me and the sis

Me and the almost there bump

Hopefully below you can see the dancers that greeted everyone as we left the showing!

Disclaimer: this post has not been proof read by Pip, I hold my hands up to any typos, spelling or grammar errors

Week 15; shoes and meringues

This week I am into week 15 of this pregnancy, maybe because I think I'm feeling some movements in the last few days I feel like this is a big deal. 15 weeks in, 25 to go; in 6 months time our new addition should (had better) be here.  It shall have a name, an identity and a big brother that will be trying to gauge what "it" is and what it does with "it".

According to some info I have read bubs #2 is approx 4 inches in length this week, the size of an apple.  Now I'm not sure what sort of apple this app is referring to but judging by the last lot that were in our veg box ones from a different tree...

To me 4 inches is the size of a good, non-work, pair of shoes.  Shoes for a night out; drinks, dinner, the cinema.  Most things that are a distant memory for me at the moment!  Last pregnancy I had to put most of my shoes away fairly early as my feet started to swell up (sniff, sniff) but so far all is well on that front so when I saw a pair of these on sale this weekend, it was rude not to!  These are for work and should put a spring in my step that has definitely been missing in my current work shoes, black and boring and originally purchased to wear only as uniform for concerts...

We've been up to Sue's this weekend and it always seems to involve shopping, more than I'd do in a weekend at home anyway and I managed to avoid The Wool Shop, which was completely unintentional as I actually need 2 sets of new needles but there we go.

I have made some meringues this week, which are more akin to the size this baby actually is at the moment and they are not lasting very long so I took a snap before we finished them!

At the moment our curent baby, who I must stop calling that, seems to be changing daily.  His comprehension is amazing - to us anyway! - he understands so many things, instructions, and knows where to go for his coat, tries to put on socks, shoes and hats.  He loves to "read" at the moment and very studiously sits and turns the pages on any sturdy book he can find.  We have recently purchased a couple of new books and I have discovered Zog the dragon, written by the same couple that wrote The Gruffalo, I am officially a Zog convert.
James is very helpful and emptying the food shopping and handing it to Pip or I seems fun, something that I am sure will wear off all too quickly!
He's weighing in at a pleasing 22lbs and the health visitor last week thought he was "very sociable, happy and alert" which is always nice to hear.

We're back to the midwife next week, here's hoping all is in order!

The scan and official news

This afternoon Pip and I have seen baby D #2 on the screen.  Still a teary moment.  A little heart beat fluttering away and even a few obliging gulps or hiccups as well!

Shocker for the NHS we actually went in early for our scan and were back out again in about 10 mins.  I am sure it took longer first time round.  All appears well at this stage, all limbs and important bits are present, bubs was wiggling around but more twitching is legs than waving, as James was for he first scan.

It is the most incredible thing to watch something no longer than my thumb looking like an actual person.  The female body is truly an incredible thing.

We will spend the next day or so ensuring family are informed then start to spread the news to the wider circle.

For now our scan pictures:

Tomato Soup

Heinz tinned tomato soup has made a come back into my life.  Which, as I generally can't bear the thought of it, means I am definitely pregnant.

Towards the end of my last pregnancy I ate it almost every day for lunch, it was as close as I came to a craving.  Pip did try me on it post baby but it was an epic fail, so strange though it is, my pregnant self seems to require tinned tomato soup.

Baby 2 #2 is now about the size of a small mince pie and so far I have had less queasiness than last time, which is fabulous.  Other than having finger nails that have gone to ruin and having been seriously tired, I wouldn't really know that I am pregnant at the moment!

Little and large mince pies

Today we've been to see the midwife to register and go through current medical history and James birth, we already knew that we'd have to head to labour ward rather than a birth centre with the next baby but other than that all seems well blood test and other samples were taken and our scan appointment should come through soon.

I have also had my assessment from the Steps to Wellbeing team and while the practitioner acknowledged that it sounded like I had been fairly unwell with PND it seems now I score low enough on their scale not to require any treatment at the moment.  Hurrah! 
I found it very reassuring to know that I hadn't been myself as it gives me hope and reassurance that things will be different once bubs #2 is here.  And if I feel myself going down that path I am more aware of what isn't "just because I am a new mum" and can seek the right help and a sensible time.

In other news...

Christmas has been and gone and we are firmly into 2015.  We had a lovely time as Pip and I both had the whole 2 weeks off.  James decided to take his first steps on Christmas day.  Exceptional timing as it was in front of both Grannies (and Auntie Ali).  Since then his confidence has grown daily and while he still looks a little drunken he can now manage "walks" round the house almost unaided.

Auntie Ali and James after meeting Father Christmas

We took trips out and chilled out at home, Pip was a superstar and allowed me a lie-in most days to fend off the preggo tiredness, just as James adopted the new habit of stirring at half 5 and sleep-whining until we'd cave and give him some warm milk which 80% of the time saw him back off to sleep for a while. 

I have made a pact with myself to try a few more home bakes and makes this year.  I really enjoyed the spot of sewing I did for our advent calendar and has sights set on a dress to wear to Rob's wedding in September, loose fitting and lump and bump covering being the key parts of that design!

Our new advent calendar

I shall try and tie in the baking with baby sizes just to keep it entertaining for me as I work out what on earth to do with ?fruit/vegetable? there will probably be a few knits in there as well, who knows I might finish the blanket I started for James!

Orange and Cranberry Cake

A diagnosis

Yesterday Pip and I went to the Dr for 2 reasons; one to tell her about baby number 2 and the second to tell her that I think I have been dealing with post-natal depression.

After much discussion with the Dr. about how I have felt, more towards James' first few months than more recently, the Dr was in agreement that our assumption is indeed correct.  She was very supportive and kind which helped me to open up about all that has been going on since James arrival. 
Admitting some of the things I had rattling around my head about James and sometimes Pip sounded so very different when uttered out loud to how they were in my head.

On this occasion, best out in the open, where someone understands and can recommend different types of support to help myself and my family.

It's very hard to write this as I don't really know what to type and yet I feel its important to document whats been happening as it has had an effect on me and I worry about how it could effect James and little munchkin (Pips nickname for bubs) in the future.

I've now read a small amount of information on PND and it seems not feeling yourself is quite a common symptom, which is reassuring because for quite some time that's the only way I could have described it, if I had felt I could discuss with someone.  Low and "cup half empty" are probably 2 others.  The trouble is in the midst of it part of me was thinking; you're lacking sleep, other people have cry-y babies too, it'll pass...

It didn't, instead I got a little bit more anxious about anything as time crept by, i questioned my abilities as a mother - how could something I'd wanted to be for years be so opposite to how I imagined?, I took little pleasure in spending time with James and worried about what people thought of the mother who couldn't stop her baby crying - in my mind - all the time.

Very illogical, very un-Jill when in a more normal frame of mind but there it is.

By the time J was 6 months the worst had worn off but I still have a day or two of feeling low and emotional, with a bleak outlook but they pass.  However now I am pregnant with another and while this baby will be a summer baby and therefore weeks of endless rain, that made James and I housebound, are minimal I do not wish to repeat the experience and certainly don't wish James to get caught up in the moodiness and upset that could happen.  My son's earliest memories should involve laughter and fun and happy times, not an irritable shouty mother who never seemed happy or content.

So there we are, I am documented on the healthcare system and no doubt will have a slightly beadier eye from both the hubs and the healthcare staff as this pregnancy and first few weeks of the new baby roll by.